Friday, January 08, 2010

The Widmer Brew'ry Disaster

Night before last there was a fire at a power substation that knocked out power to several blocks of N/NE Portland. Including the building I work in. I got to spend yesterday at home.

There were some tragic consequences to the outage. According to the Oregonian's article:

"Widmer Brothers Brewing Co. Co-owner Rob Widmer said the brewery lost 250 barrels, or the equivalent of 62,000 pints, of Deadlift Imperial IPA, a new brew and its most expensive beer, because of the outage.

"For us the painful part is the loss of 62,000 pints of delicious beer," Widmer said."

Brewery under the freeway bridge over the shining Willamette!
I am sorry to say you have been visited by a most terrible calamit-
y on this seventh day of January, two thousand ten
A day we must all hope will never, ever come again
For an electrical substation burned down in the middle of the night
And left several blocks of businesses without power or light.

In the evening all the good people who work at Widmer
Went home, and nothing untoward did fear
While in the cooler sat two hundred fifty barrels of Deadlift Imperial
Which is an alcoholic beverage that is brewed from cereal.
No-one would have believe that there was any cause for fright
Or that a power substation would catch fire in the middle of the night.

But when they awoke, what horror! The beer would not stay cold
Which meant they couldn't sell it as fresh-- and after all, who wants to drink old
Beer? With a heavy heart, co-owner Rob declared it a loss.
"Sixty-two thousand good pints of new-brewed beer we're going to have to toss."
The ale ran brown and foaming into the brewery's drain
Like the storm sewers overflowing after a heavy rain.

Oh seventh day of January two thousand and ten,
You are a day of infamy in the minds of beer-drinking men
A day when a sacrifice was made of so many barrels
And now I believe that no sensible man would quarrel
With my conclusion: that Widmer sooner better than later
Ought to buy themselves a reliable generator.

Thanks to to old Will. I mean McGonagall.

Collection available! Knocking from Inside

1 comment:

Chris Hunt said...

Bravo! You've really caught the great man's style (though I'm not sure that that is a good thing to happen to a poet!) However, as a stern opponent of "the demon drink" he'd probably view the incident you describe as a triumph rather than a disaster.