For the Protection of Consumers

I got the letter today. It said:

We regret to inform you that you have been recalled.
We have determined that your emotional makeup includes a design flaw which under certain very rare circumstances could lead to conditions that may contribute to a significant safety issue if not used exactly as directed. Therefore
you should proceed immediately to the original point of sale
where for the protection of consumers
your spouse, parent, next of kin or designated legal guardian will receive a voucher equal to your value
less storage, shipping, handling and general depreciation. Unless
they have been so careless as to remove the tag
that says DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAG UNDER PENALTY OF LAW.

It could happen to anyone, at any time
so if you love someone, go right up to them and-- rip their tags off!

Collection available! Knocking from Inside