Saturday, March 09, 2013

Guerrilla Knitters

subversive terroristic fiber-arts practitioners!
They're everywhere. It's terrible: any morning you may wake up
and find the power pole in front of your house
wrapped in some kind of multi-colored fabric sculpture
masquerading as a scarf. Anyone you meet
could be one of them. The woman on the bus with the bag
full of dime-store yarn? Suspicious.

Yes, I'm aware
there are legitimate uses for knitting--
I'm proposing some controls.
No-one should be found in possession of:
five or more different colors of yarn
Crochet hooks, limit of ten, assorted sizes
Buying knitting needles in bulk, suspicion of trafficking
Afghan patterns and other paraphernalia--
not illegal to possess but may be used as supporting evidence
leading to conviction and increased penalties.

I don't see why we tolerate this outlaw subculture.
I'm tired of late-night knitting parties drawing questionable characters into my neighborhood.
It's time we made a stand. Let's take back our streets
from spontaneous decoration
and random doilies!

Available! High-Voltage Lines, Knocking from Inside

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