I have two poems up in the current issue of Mezzo Cammin, a very fine online journal which should be of interest to anyone who likes formal poetry. Both of these poems are revised versions of poems that I posted a while back. So in the spirit of this week's readwritepoem prompt, I'm linking the originals below-- then you can pop over to Mezzo Cammin and read the revisions.
The good folks at Sonnet Central were instrumental in helping me revise these pieces. Without their help, I doubt either of these would have gotten published.
Lot's Wife
Scarlet Ribbons
Collection available! Knocking from Inside
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Revisions
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5 comments:
I thought your originals were perfect and couldn't be improved upon but then I read your revisions and, wow! It didn't take much but the little changes really do make a big difference.
I too wondered how you would change these poems. The revisions are excellent. To end with "slow-dissolving pain" is lovely.
I really liked both endings to Lot's wife - but the revised one was more poignant.
And it's amazing how much difference the change from scarlet to gold cirrus make. Much more vivid somehow.
I really liked seeing these side-by-side, how some things were tightened up, the language clearer and ringing more true to the intent of the first pieces.
I know the story of Lot well enough, that I didn't notice the absence of the word "Sodom" until I saw it in the revision.
I enjoyed the originals but the revisions were wonderfully polished and more complete. Thanks for taking part in this prompt and sorry for being so late in getting round to reading you!
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