What the Martians Said

when they saw the Phoenix lander—

There ain’t no such animal.
Can we take it home?
Oh look, it’s going to move... it’s moving...
Can we sneak up behind it and pull its tail?
We ought to put it in a zoo.
Think it’s edible?
Can you believe that thing came all the way from Earth?
There ain’t no such place as Earth. And even if there were, nothing could live on it. This here comes from the South Polar Depression.
This heralds a new era of interplanetary ignorance.
Earthlings... I bet it’s carrying a bomb.
I don’t get what they think they’re looking for here.
It’s kind of fun to watch.
Remember to stay out of the way of the cameras.
Well I saw the last one that came and I’m not impressed with this one.
It doesn’t look very dangerous.
Do you think they know we’re here?
I’ll bet it’s trying to find a canal, ha ha.
There ain’t no canals on Mars.
I’ll bet they want to use Martian ice to cool down their own planet.
I sure wish it’d turn down its radio.
Let’s hack the transmitters and feed them a bunch of fake images.
Let’s just drop a big rock on it.
Let’s leave it alone. There’s nothing here for it to see.


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