You know it's safer to be under the radar. Look what happened when the stars threw down their spears. Meteors hit the curled back of the moon and left abiding scars. The firestorm wind pulled down trees everywhere.
And yet, the moon's precious heart wasn't pierced: only her shell was so marked. If you had never moved me, I wouldn't be waiting neglected by the telephone: still, the green sweep of the screen comforts me.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Under the Radar
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
I like how you used the words to weave a story. I get a sense of loneliness and longing here. I'd have to say my favourite line was "And yet, the moon's precious heart wasn't pierced: only her shell was so marked.".
I enjoyed reading this.
-Nicole
Always safer under the radar, it seems, unless... The sense of change and loss is palpable.
I like the ending.
Under the radar is a great title. I like the way you brought in so many words from the wordle and wove them together. Waiting for love by the phone is all about the moon and the stars. I really enjoyed your poem. thanks for sharing this, Tiel.
I like how this set the table for a cosmic scene and waited until the very end to introduce the personal situation the poem was really about. The result is a wonderful dramatic effect.
I like how you weave the wordle words' cosmic hints into a poem about the archetypal waiting by the phone.
Post a Comment