Hurricane Harvey's Brag

I’m Hurricane Harvey. I’m the meanest motherfucker ever hit the Texas coast. I’m so bad they took my name off the list, just like the Boston Celtics hung up six when Bill Russell made the Hall of Fame. That’s how bad I am.

My mother was La Niña and my father was the Indian Ocean Dipole. I was born in the Antilles and blew up out of Campeche. I’ve been sub-tropical, super-tropical, extra-tropical. Every forty hours I burned down my eyewall and rebuilt it because I’m Hurricane Harvey and I pick supercells out of my teeth.

All you little people better run to high ground when you see me come to town. I stood up over Houston and pissed down for three straight days. By the second day, they had to add a new color to the map: Harvey purple. By the third day, they had to add another new color to the map: Harvey pink.

Yeah, that’s me, Hurricane Harvey, polychrome pisser, double-fisted drownpour! I’m so bad they put my name on the map, just like the conquistadors when you ruin a thing and then claim it’s yours. That’s how bad I am.

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